I grew up in Boulder, Colorado during the post-Vietnam seventies and the ‘New Wave’ eighties. I vividly remember the star of lights that adorned the foothills above the city every Christmas. In November 1979, when I was eight, Iranian students stormed the American embassy in Tehran cialis. The star above Boulder remained lit until the hostages came home cialis price. It became a symbol of hope and stability in a confusing world viagra price. After the hostages returned, I too closely identified with the resurgent nationalism that accompanied Ronald Reagan’s tenure in the White House cialis.
I missed the mark many other ways during my adolescence and early adulthood. In 1989, I matriculated at Rice University in Houston, Texas. Drunk with the hubris of youth, I saw no need for God. The apparent omnipotence of personal ambition was all I needed. My newly discovered aspiration to become an officer in the United States Marine Corps fueled my self-absorbed drive for success.
I also started drinking during college. Six and a half years later, while stationed on Okinawa, I found myself on a psychiatric ward - as a result of my chronic alcoholism. Fortunately, by God’s grace, I was able to admit I had a problem and I began the journey to sobriety. This journey led me to a sponsor in Alcoholics Anonymous who introduced me to Jesus for the first time (I had been raised Catholic but hadn’t yet learned what it meant to be Christian). Eventually, I renounced Catholicism. No one I felt, not even the Pope in Rome , had the right to tell anyone else how to listen to the voice of God speaking in their heart. Unfortunately, I waited another five years before I heeded that voice in my own heart and came out of the closet.
When, several years ago, I finally did come out, I was an emotional mess. I faced a crucial dilemma: did coming out mean I was abandoning God again? I thought God hated gays! My sobriety was dependent on my relationship with God. Did coming out mean I was going to drink again? Fortunately, I discovered the story of David and Jonathan in 1 and 2 Samuel. The discovery that these two important figures of Israel ’s history shared a loving, intimate partnership transformed my life. David and Jonathan have become my new stars of hope and stability.
Today, I know what God’s vision is for me: share the story of David and Jonathan with my Queer sisters and brothers. I also recently graduated from massage school and am now blessed with the daily opportunity to minister to the needs of others - working to relieve their suffering and facilitate their healing. These are demanding missions. But God always gives me all the courage and strength I need. Jesus said, ‘If anyone wishes to come after Me, he must deny himself, and take up his cross daily and follow Me’ (Luke 9:23 ). I’m grateful, today, that I found my cross. It really is the lighter burden.
As written for Chi Rho Connection, Vol. III, No. 17, December 4, 2002. Copyright © 2002. All Rights Reserved.
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